<p>Dear Nation,</p><p>I am writing to apologize on behalf of myself and my soldiers for the terrible atrocities we committed. May I point out, however, that we were doing a lot of really good coke.</p>
<p>Let’s be honest about something: I am intimidated by your sagging pants.</p>
<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"> As a terrorist who loves the ladies, it is sometimes hard for me to complete my missions.<span> </span>You see, I want to blow myself up in a crowded place, but at the same time I want the sex…</p>
<p>As some of you may be aware, killer bees, also known as Africanized Honey bees, have been proliferating and moving north since their emancipation from colonies in Brazil several decades ago. There is understandable panic at the prospect of these large, aggressive noisy insects supplanting the more docile, and slighter-of-build European honey bees to which we are accustomed.
Dear Jews, we are pleased to report that our global domination agenda is on track this spring, although we want to remind you to continue your strangehold on the liberal media.
As an attorney who has engaged in unprotected pro-bono work for the majority of my career, I can tell you that I would like to take your case, and to deliver you satisfaction right there in the courtroom; on the desk of the District Attorney, if need be.
The Los Angeles Lakers used their first-round draft choice to select a relative unknown: 7-foot, 90lb. Max B, an impoverished taro and cassava farmer from Somalia.
When I ordered the bottle of wine with dinner, no one could have mistaken my taste. The waiter’s expression said it all. It said "You are a man of refined tastes far beyond the likes of the typical clientele of this restaurant."<br />
I really can't believe someone actually gave you job of Master of Ceremonies for the upcoming Ornithological Society function. Because there can be no doubt that I am a better MC than you. You see, when they talk about me they say "that MC is great" but when they talk about you they say "that MC is fake."
If my girlfriend were to somehow find out that my hipster credentials are mostly bogus, I think it is likely that she would dump me. If she somehow found out what a poseur I was, the relationship would be over. <br />
Praise be to Allah. We are here to talk about our very important mission, which we do for the grace of God. We are ready to sacrifice ourselves for God like this, in a glorious fight against the unbelievers. For our mission to succeed, we must be strict and observe the rules from the boss.
<p>For the last half-hour I've had a strange feeling. Something about the way you chose words on AIM. You don't use the semicolon to make a visual face, and I totally feel you on that. But it was something else that made me think you were familiar.... Did we cyber some time in the late 90's?</p>