Ah, my first To Be Continued Blog… (I suggest you follow that link if you haven’t read part 1, but do what you like. I ain’t your mother). Let’s run down some more good-time local pub moments.
The few times in the Tampa Local Pub when the power went out due to storms. Every time they lose power, the bartenders exhume the manual credit card swiper from its dusty tomb and get huffy whenever anyone wants a receipt. Candles, flashlights and laser pointers appear as if out of a black hole; bags of ice get delivered by the owner. Of course, more people show up because cell phones still work and there’s nothing more together-feeling than drinking in total darkness, which pisses off the staff even more because they can’t be expected to keep track of shadows. The regulars sit outside and watch the storms and of course, there’s the following obligatory “in the dark” jokes: “Who’s grabbing my ass?” “My wallet!” “I’m blind! I’m blind! Oh, the humanity.” “You look better like this.” “I swear I’ve never looked better.” “I swear you’re right”
Hooter’s time with Big Mike. If you follow my snippets closely, you may be able to figure out which Mike he is. I’ll give you some hints: he usually refers to me as Nathan instead of the more often used Nate; he’s funny as all hell; there’s usually sexually related jokes in Big Mike Snippets; and when I’m talking to him, I suddenly go from comic instigator to straight man (I know when to yield). Big Mike is the closest thing you can get to a Hooters VIP. Some days, he’ll sit up there from open to close, using his cell phone to convince people to chill with him for a little bit. This is such a common part of my life now that he doesn’t even elaborate anymore when he invites me. I see his name in the phone, answer it and hear, “Hooters!” And I’m there. You would be too. I swear, if I have a weird life, then I’m just a pawn in his game, because he has the weird-life market cornered Warren Buffet style.
Freestyling the blues with Darrell. Darrell plays in different bars every night. Sometimes I’ll show up with my harmonica and he’ll single me out as I enter by interrupting one of his songs with the words, “Everyone, say Hi to Nate. He just got out a prison, so a little while later he’s gonna do some blues improvisation with us.” Then, after we finish the freestyle, whether it was good, bad or stomach churning, I’ll still get a ton of applause because he’ll say, “Give it up for Nate, everyone. The man just got out of jail.” This is always awesome because it results in damn near every chick in the place knowing my name, random people buying me drinks because they believe I just got released from the clink, and the little adrenaline rush that comes from amateur stage performance. Always fun.
Playing, “Guess her measurements” with Mark at the Smoky Pool Hall. I’m getting better, but I’m nowhere near Mark’s ability. One day, the student will become the master.
Watching Lloyd and LB fight over the playing of Christmas music at My Dad’s Local Pub at Christmas time. It may not sound entertaining, but you haven’t lived until you’ve seen a total scrooge go up against a holly-jolly-jingle freak over what’s on the juke box. Example: Lloyd will walk in, see LB, and they will race to the jukebox, yelling and pushing the whole way. Keep in mind, neither of these guys are under forty years old. Like I said, you have to see it.
Listening to Pierce Crask play St. Charles Christmas. A lyrics sample: relaxing by the artificial fire/ had to give my girl an abortion with a coat hanger wire/ and this is what Christmas means to me. By the way, depending on the venue and time of night, he won’t play those lines. He’ll use safe ones. This is a great Local Pub moment too because all the people who know the real version will sing the above lines anyway. It’s like a micro-fraternity-moment.
The time in the University City local pub when I hooked up with and subsequently dated one of the hottest bartenders in St. Louis history. I was just sitting there, bitching about how I was going to a wedding on 24 hours notice and didn’t have time to scrape up a date, when bartender Sarah said, “I love weddings; I’ll go with you.” Every guy at the bar shot me a look of jealous disgust. Hey, I’d rather be lucky than good any day.
Once again, I can go on forever with these. So I guess this one is also To Be Continued. Sit tight. I know you can’t wait.