The Management of the Lakeview Plaza 8-Plex Requests Your Feedback (And Apologizes in Advance for the Toenails)
On a scale of 1 to 10, what the hell are these spots on our seats? Cigarette burns? The management just had these seats reupholstered!
Tag: Movies and TV
An Extensive Guide to Every Remote Control in Our House
The small remote controls the volume and the tall remote controls the channels. We think that one is under the sink.
The Oscars Are About Quality, Not Diversity, and Also Scarlett Johansson Should Have Every Award
Despite ongoing #OscarsSoWhite controversy, it’s important to remember that the Oscars are, as Stephen King pointed out, about quality, not diversity.
2020 Social Media Oscar Winners
Best Direct Message: Brent Stanko for 1:26am Christmas eve message to ex-girlfriend: “Saw you’re home, would love to reconnect!!”
Oscar Presenters: Stop Reading Your Lines!
Your profession revolves around memorizing lines, making them believable, and delivering them to casting directors, audiences, and law enforcement.
Uncut Energy Crystals: Howard Ratner in LA
Not only will the green aventurine win you material success but the Yoni birth mother energy will protect you from any Price Waterhouse trickery.
Things I Learned Watching the Impeachment Trial
The whole proceeding would benefit from Bachelor-style confessionals. “I don’t care if I was rude. Lindsey has been a bitch to me all day.”
I’m Scott Baio and Where the Fuck Is My Shitty Christian Movie?
I spoke at the Republican National Convention for Trump! What more do I have to do to prove that I’ll do literally anything?
17 Absurd Moments from State of the Union History That Make More Sense Than Anything You’ll Hear Tonight
1975 — Gerald Ford, cognizant of new requirements to look good on TV, overdoes his makeup and inadvertently wins an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.
Life Hacks for Safe Driving in the Snow and Ice
An essential precaution against these hazardous situations is making sure that you’re walking back toward your house before getting out on the road.
An Interview with Death, Winner of the Latest Season of “The Great British Baking Show”
Reporter: A rather strange turn of events, what with the death of all the contestants and the show’s top judge, Paul Hollywood's, disappearance.
Baby Yoda Running for the DNC, I Am
Linked directly to Climate Change, immigration is. Displaced by imperialist wars like your culture, many orphans have.