Jackets to Buy This Winter Instead of Having a Personality
Colorblock Windbreaker: You wear this athletic fit ironically because you are actually a struggling improv performer.
Tag: Anger
Mosquitos: The Best Support System You Never Knew You Had
You’re probably taking a hard look at yourself, reeling with guilt at the thought of all the poor, innocent, mother mosquitos you’ve smooshed.
5 Reasons Why the Donner Party was Better Than Your Birthday Party
The Donner Party was a journey unlike any other in history. The best part is, they did the whole thing without fake crying or vlogging once.
Why You Never Ask Strangers in the Elevator If They Want to Get Drinks
“I served two tours in Afghanistan,” one woman said, “and I just thank God I never experienced anything like the horror you’re describing.”
Working At This Diner for 35 Years, I’ve Seen All Walks of Life Deny Themselves True Culinary Pleasure
Skylark Diner sucks you in like a black hole and you can't even see the Texas-size soup dumplings over at Xiao Lone Star Bao.
New York City Sights to See During Your Next Emotional Breakdown
Your emotional stability is hanging by a thread? Well, so is the Dow Jones Industrial Average, baby!
It’s Probably No Big Deal That Every Single Woman in My Life is Exclusively Watching Shows About Murder
Maybe if there was an anger rising in women from an ongoing parade of injustices being carried out against them, then I’d be a little on edge.
How to Survive Various Animal Attacks
Bees: When being chased by a swarm of bees, stop, face the bees, and challenge one bee to a duel. The other bees will have to honor the duel.
Night at the Museum: Constitutional Crisis
Twenty-first Amendment (Abolition of Prohibition) This former frat-bro is a highly functioning alcoholic. Currently a member of the federal judiciary.
Man in 1888 Photo With a Metallica T-Shirt and Cell Phone is Not a Time Traveler
I mean what kind of shitty time traveler would quantum leap wearing a “Wherever I May Roam” T-shirt from the most kick-ass thrash metal concert ever?
Your Horoscope Based on the Demon That Has Possessed Your Body
Once again it is that time of year when the hosts of Solvil go absolutely crazy. Everyone has that time of year where they just lose control!
Now That the House is Democratic, I’m Turning My Life Around
I will not be completely terrified every time I see a white man wearing a red hat. All my lunches will be Soylent.