Eulogies for the Houseplants My Dumbass Essentially Murdered
Einstein was a Ponytail Palm that my sister got me. Like the Einstein from Science, this Ponytail Palm had an eccentric intelligence, but no grace.
Tag: Animals
Where Are They Now? The Stars of Jurassic Park
Adopting the moniker Steg For More, Larsson’s first album produced the song “Leggo my Steggo,” which hit #5 on the Australian Billboard Top 100.
The Modern Day Dinosaurs That Plague America
Because of the shape of their heads, turtles spend much of their lives looking down on whatever’s in front of them. Similar to: White people.
Employment Opportunity
We also don't have a retirement plan because the majority of our employees only stay with us for 2-3 hours.
We Can’t Marry Prince Harry Anymore, But We Can Be Princesses in Other Ways
Princesses are always getting smooched and we can get kisses, too! And hey, if we're going through a dry spell, a frog's not the worst option.
Six Clues That Your Cats Could Be Using Your House as a Human Fight Club
If a stranger with a black eye winks at you on the street, that’s a surefire giveaway that your cats are pedalling human violence for profit.
A Letter to Jordan Peterson from Lobsters
We’d like to pinch some sense into you with our deadly pincers, but we fear that this will only make you reach some new, unfathomably stupid conclusion.
New HGTV Shows That are Guaranteed Ratings Juggernauts
Fenrir and Sköll were raised by wolves in the New Mexico desert. Today, the feral sisters redesign homes for people who identify as animals.
Ranking the 2018 Kentucky Derby Horses by Name
9. Vino Rosso (12-1) – Means "red wine" in Italian and "try-hard" in English.
A List of Pastoral Poems Written by Historically Famous Political Pundits
Aristotle: “Man, when perfected, is the best of animals,/ but when separated from poppies and almond trees, he is the worst of all.”
Reviews of Yellowstone National Park By Bison
If that’s not bad enough, the elk start head-butting each other out of sheer horniness for all to see. It’s like living in a frat house.
Some Plausible Reasons Why Scott Pruitt Might Hate Nature So Much
He's always asleep during both sunrise and sunset, so he's never seen one before. Doesn't get what the big deal is.