Just Because You Have Issues and I’m Murdering You Doesn’t Make This “Elevated Horror”
I’m sorry you have broader personal or political issues you haven’t resolved, but those have nothing to do with the ways I’ve been killing you guys.
Tag: Featured
Pop from “Hop on Pop” Visits the Emergency Room
Sorry, say that again? Your boys were doing what? They were “hopping” on you?
If American Girl Dolls Were Too Historically Accurate
Kit is just as ready to play as she is to teach your little one about life during the Great Depression!
Updates to Your Employee Benefits Package
Our previous policy of zero in-office hawk attacks has been slightly adjusted to a new policy of many hawk attacks.
Remembering My Favorite Childhood Game System
In the beginning, my friends didn’t want to come over and play, saying that my new games were “weird” and “hard to play” and “haunting.”
Town in Massachusetts or Archaic Insult?
Peabody, Maynard, Wantwit, Athol, Muckspout: fastest route to Muckspout or scathing flurry of insults?
Moo Moo, Your Childhood Stuffed Animal, Is Filing for Emancipation
From the moment that Santa delivered Moo Moo to you under the artificial Christmas tree, Moo has felt smothered.
This Aesthetic Subway Ad Is Here to Tell You That You Are Going Bald as Shit
Not "thinning out." Not "George Costanza-ing." Nope. You're going full-on, sunscreen on your scalp, brain-practically-exposed BALD.
I’m the Best Detective in the World, So Why Do You Keep Second-Guessing Me?
What’s your motive for second-guessing me every second of every day? Every week, we go through the same rigamarole.
It’s Very Postmodern
Some people might ask, how long after modernism is it? A few hours? A few days?
Writers, Please Avoid Using the Following Forbidden Literary Devices
Gallegory: Everything in a story represents something else, but only for the ladies. Men still have to read it literally.
Straight Male Friendships: A Definitive Hierarchy
Only when determined to be A Good Dude or A Pretty Good Dude, will This Dude I Know become My Buddy.