Earnings Call from Little Timmy’s Lemonade Stand
Setting up this stand in my backyard all those days ago, I never imagined the places we would go; we are now in the front yard.
Tag: Featured
We, the Makers of Tapioca Pudding, Are Excited to Unveil Nothing New
Over our long history, we’ve made countless non-changes to our product, from refusing to add any flavor to churning out the same muddy texture.
An Art Museum Presents: A Retrospective of Work Made by Your Aunt Who’s into Mysticism
Created over a career spanning the past four decades, but really only the past four years after she came back from that trip to Sedona.
Things I Mistakenly Thought Would Be Helpful During Our Baby’s Delivery Process
A pretty solid memory of that "Boy Meets World" episode where Cory’s mom gives birth to his younger brother.
In Addition to $10,000, Here Are Some Other Things I’d Like Forgiven from My Time in College
Smelling like a mix of Lay's Potato Chips, Victoria's Secret perfume, and Miller Lite for four years straight.
Would Someone for the Love of God Please Object to This Marriage
Later on, I’ll do the “speak now or forever hold your peace” thing. But while we’re on the subject you can speak now too.
Welcome to My House, from Which I’ve Removed All Trace of How I Live
Put it on this coat rack, where all of my coats are. Is that because I regularly put my coats on the coat rack, rather than strewing them on the floor?
Make Extra Cash by Renting Out Your Mouth!
Our app connects you with those ready to give you quick cash for the short-term use of the mouth you already have.
Tough Conversations with My Mechanic Bruce Springsteen
Bruce: With this very unpleasin' sneezin' and wheezin, she’s revved up like a deuce. Me: Layman’s terms? Bruce: It’s totaled.
Letterboxd Reviews for the Accidental Livestream of My Trip to the Bathroom
★★★ Watched on the toilet. Very meta experience. Would recommend.
Oscar Wilde Gets a Little Lost in the Sauce
He could tell at once that this luncheon’s company would be quite dull, which was always exciting.
It’s So Good to Catch Up Now That My Life Is Finally Going Better than Yours
You know what they say: you can’t live in the past, when all of my achievements paled in comparison to yours.