Clearing Out My Brain’s Hard Drive to Remember Whatshisname
High school locker combination [-1.2 MB] I deleted my entire high school experience in 2016. Missed this somehow. Move to trash.
Tag: Featured
Seven Pieces of Art I Purchased for Our Hotel That Resulted in Long Emails from My Boss
My boss said guests don’t want to see “gray smudges” while enjoying their complimentary light breakfast. I said they would once they read the essay I left by the bagel station.
Reviews for That Bar Where the Bartender Makes You a Drink Based on Your Personality
A shot of rum stirred into a pint of Guinness? Last night I tossed and turned, cogitating on what type of person this drink might fit.
You’re Just Twelve Clicks Away from Finding Out Why Those Air-Raid Sirens Are Going Off
Now would be a good time to use the restroom. You should also gather your family and pets and turn off any stove burners.
FAQ About the Hell Button I Had Installed in the Elevator
Q. Should I worry about the fact that people keep disappearing after using the elevator? A. I wouldn't.
FAQ: Your Aunt’s Second Facebook Profile
I always misplace the Post-it where you jotted down my password, leading me to wildly click around until something happens.
Memory Like a Goldfish? I’ve Got a Memory as Long as the Time You’re Going to Spend in Hell for Trapping Me in This Bowl
Are you familiar with the phrase, “Living your best life?” Do you think that’s what is going on in here?
For Sale: Beautiful New Home, 3 Beds, 3 Baths, and 8,723 Toilets
Everyone in the house could be pissing at the exact same time, which is something you could do if you wanted.
A Eulogy for Tom Brady (1977-2296)
When Tom first started playing, there were no 5th downs or 100-yard field goals. And every game took place on Earth, where gravity was a huge factor.
The Babadook No Longer Lives in This Book, Which Unfortunately Reduces Its Value at Auction
That’s right, the book's value at auction is thirty dollars without the Babadook.
Goosebumps Books You Almost Remember
Goosebumps #11: The Currency Exchange For Monsters: Monsters Have Currency Exchanges, I Guess
Broadcast of a Baseball Game Between Dads Checking on a Sound in the Middle of the Night with Baseball Bats and Louisville Slugger Factory Workers Who Test Bats for Quality Assurance
The dads effectively hit everything except the ball causing a lot of property damage while the factory workers could not settle on a bat.