18 Very Legitimate Reasons I Didn’t Get a Salad
A salad? After Labor Day? I don’t think so. I passed the salad place and said to myself, “Not today. Today is Tuesday. Tacos.”
Tag: Featured
The Wedding Countdown for the Couple You Vaguely Knew in College Starts Now
Please donate to give this very solidly upper-middle-class couple their dream honeymoon. These kids (they’re 34) deserve the best.
Last Night I Dreamt All People Joined Hands in Peace with My Old Gym Teacher
People of all nations, races, and creeds forgot their differences and grabbed hands with, randomly, my middle school gym teacher. But it totally felt normal that she was there, if that makes any sense?
Our Neighborhood Watch Is Just a Guy Holding a Plastic Bag Watching Women Parallel Park
We dispatch a man with a plastic bag (full of loose Arizona iced teas) to stare at her so hard she gets the dry sweats.
Coping with Your Acquaintance’s Divorce
If your therapist asks you whether Jason is your father, calmly explain that he’s your college friend’s old roommate.
Dueling Tips from a Veteran Duelist
Judicial combat is a seminal moment and, with a record of 22-0 (humans) and 1-1 (trumpeter swan, with rematch), you’ve come to the right person for advice!
We Will Be Filming on Your Street Tomorrow for a Show That You and All Your Friends Will Really Hate!
The main characters will be named Tad, Morglee, Suppa, and Caldwater. They are all incredibly hot but still unpleasant to look at.
Help, It’s Your King! I’m Trapped and Will Surely Burn Alive Unless You Download This Mobile Game and Match Blocks by Similar Color and Shape!
I said similar color blocks. No, SIMILAR color! What the hell, are you stupid or something?
Dear Applicant, My God What Have We Done?
We regret to inform you we won't be able to offer you a position at this time. We'll always wonder what could have been.
The Restaurant Website That Makes It Impossible to Find Its Menu
Our menu? Menu…. Oh, the "menu"! Yes, sorry, didn’t follow what you meant at first. We can’t remember the last time someone actually asked for that.
8 Roles My Stepdad Can Play in My Life Now That My Mom Has Finalized Their Divorce
A bank teller overeager to waive overdraft fees on my debit card in an attempt to maintain our relationship.
For the Last Time, I’m Selling My “For Sale” Sign, Not My House
I do take issue with whoever claimed the domain liveauctionfor115belleview.net and started an all-out bidding war for my family’s home.