New High School Senior Portrait Packages
I Love My Car Package: This package is specially designed for those whose 16th birthday was the greatest moment of their life.
Tag: Future
My Girlfriend Tries to Break Up With Me, a One-Off Character Who Needs to Quickly Deliver a Lot of Exposition
"Is this because you just lost your job? We’ve been through this, you’re an excellent reporter and they had no right to fire you! You won a Pulitzer!"
Master Template for Every Championship Sports Interview Ever Given
"I set a goal [NUMBER OF YEARS THE TEAM HAS BEEN TERRIBLE] ago and I was determined to give it [CLICHÉ FROM MOTIVATIONAL KITTEN CALENDAR]."
Eight Reasons Why 2019 is Going to Be a Big Year for My Hometown’s Minor League Baseball Team, The Woodborough Egg Boys
The Tar Pits Behind Third Base Have Been Filled In: The nostalgic need not worry; the sickening smell of sulfur still permeates the entire stadium.
Is Pete Buttigieg Gay Enough? If He Can Answer These Questions, He Just Might Be
Question 3. Do you understand the innate joke that lies in calling your supporters the Pete Fleet and are you willing and able to joke about it?
Mealtime Hacks That Guarantee Your Child Will Be a 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals Judge
If he really needs a birthday cake, make him an energy-boosting quinoa and oatmeal cake with sample questions from the LSAT written in marzipan.
A Conversation Pretending I Know What a Mortgage Is
Claire, who had 14 bridesmaids, each of whom eats half of their late night Chicken Fajita wrap treat and puts the other in the fridge: “Wait, what?”
Colonel Sanders Was a Union Officer and Will Therefore Not Be Cancelled
Sanders graduated from Transylvania University with honors in Afro-Caribbean Studies, Women and Sexuality Studies, and Herbalism ‘n’ Spicesism.
Democracy Dies in Darkness (Including in the Shadow of our Paywall)
We used to be doing all right financially, but we just blew our last 5 million dollars on a Superbowl ad during the most boring Superbowl in history.
My Week as an Assistant to Andy Warhol During the “Oxidation” Series
Wednesday: After pissing out 6 cups of coffee, 8 cups of orange juice, and a bottle of Gatorade, I collapsed in a state of near catatonia.
Ponce de León: I Only Want to Find the Fountain of Youth to Enjoy the “Kids Eat Free on Wednesdays” Deal At My Favorite Restaurant
Conquistadors have an old saying: discovering a place makes you that place’s Mom/Dad. Why should Florida’s Dad have to pay $14 for his favorite meal?
If You Turn Into a Werewolf During a Parent-Teacher Conference
If you cannot make it home to your reinforced "Doom Room", attempt to run toward the nearest forest or wooded area.