I Am a Dad in a Kohl’s Father’s Day Ad
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
Tag: God
Rating the Chicken Fingers at Five High-End Restaurants
This fusion spot is known for its pan-seared foie gras with mustard seeds and green onions. But that sounds gross, we want chicken fingers!
If the Earth Really is Warming, Why is My Wife Still Leaving Me?
The eggheads at NASA say that last year was the fourth hottest on record, and yet a polar vortex of Arctic proportions has descended upon my bedroom.
The USA is the Greatest Country in the World But Those Soccer Girls Need to Be Nicer
Competition makes the American dream real! But fighting to break records early in international competition while defending your title… isn’t classy.
The First Mission to Mars Forgets to Pack Chapstick
“D-Did I leave my Chapstick over here?” Meadowbrook blurted. “Oh!” She said. “If you did, I haven’t seen it. Maybe it floated out of your pod?”
Behold! I am Deciden, King of the Indecisive Friend Group
I separate emotion from logic and wield my mighty Trident of Critical Thinking, which is a normal trident that I use to emphasize my pronouncements.
Confessions of Clark: Excerpts from the Diary of a Middle-Aged Superman
Lois has been distant ever since we found out my sperm could kill her. She keeps making snide comments about how Batman wouldn't have this problem.
FAQ: How Our Company Will Change Under the Leadership of the Mysterious, Cloaked Men
Q; What happened to Leonard? A: Leonard was catapulted through a vibrating and glowing door frame into a space between dimensions.
If You Should Chance to Find This Message, Tell the World That I Did Not Enjoy the Last Episode of “Game of Thrones”
My lifeboat has sprung several leaks. They pale in comparison to the multitude of plot and character holes in this final season.
Alabama State Senator or The Bachelorette Contestant?
Garrett P. is from Birmingham and looking for love. Dan R. is from Birmingham and does not care that there is less than 25% support for banning abortion.
St. Peter Will Not Let Me Into Heaven Unless I Admit That My 11th Grade Girlfriend Broke Up With Me, And Not the Other Way Around (Untrue)
There’s no way I could have been dumped. I was in the prime of my life—I had a t-shirt for every major beer brand and I drove a Pontiac Grand Am.
7 Mother’s Day Gifts That Mom Won’t Like or Use
Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but a heart-shaped blurry photo on printer paper is her other best friend.