How to Sell Your Smoky Beanie Baby Collection, According to My Aunt Connie, A Non-Smoker
Go back to Wawa to demand they stop selling cigarettes to your Beanie Babies after you catch Splash the Killer Whale with a carton of Pall Malls.
Tag: Guides and Listicles
Some Plausible Reasons Why Scott Pruitt Might Hate Nature So Much
He's always asleep during both sunrise and sunset, so he's never seen one before. Doesn't get what the big deal is.
Alternatives to “No Tip” on Touchscreen Checkout Machines
"I’m fiscally conservative in Q1" or maybe just a simple ":(" ?
The Official NRA Guide to Cyberbullying Teenagers
The only thing that stops a bad kid with a dream is a good fully grown adult with a Twitter account. Please heed these social media tips.
The Kids You Went to High School With Who are Definitely in Prison Now
13. The Kid That Pretended Fun Dip Was Cocaine Arrest Record: Oh, definitely real cocaine Common Names: Skyler, Dana, Jonah
What Your Drink of Choice Says About You
Wheat Grass: You are health conscious and enjoy taste bud masochism. Scotch: You are a lawyer and you’ve been to 13% of your son’s baseball games.
How to Play the Guitar for Morons
Let’s be honest, everyone wants to play the guitar. What you need are beginner guitar lessons from an undiscovered genius.
Nice One, Dipshit! You Hurt Your Dentist’s Feelings by Saying Teeth are “Just Okay”
Your dentist is crying in the corner of the room and refusing to finish fixing those busted-up, tic-tac-lookin’ mother effers that you call teeth.
Top Places for Dudes to Cry
Don't cry in a work bathroom---a co-worker or boss might see your shoes, hear you crying, and think you poop too hard.
How to Give a Stool Sample with Only 4-6 Emotional Breakdowns in 50 Easy Steps
28. Accidentally get poo on your fingers. 29. Question how humankind can get a person on the moon but can’t develop a less primitive way to procure stool samples.
Honest Rules for Staying at Grandma’s House
Good manners are expected at all times. That means always saying “please,” “thank you,” and “our mother made a terrible mistake not baptizing us.”
New Economy Seating Options at United Airlines
Our Economy Basic passengers are seated in a section of the plane teeming with luxury-hungry wolves, starving for cherished Basic ticket-holders.