4 Respectable Hobbies for Retired Hitmen
Between all the traveling and assassinating, it can be hard to focus on yourself as a hitman. What to do with yourself in retirement?
Tag: Guides and Listicles
Focus On Your Breath, Inhale Deeply, Now Exhale Slowly—Congratulations, You’ve Entered Manual Breathing Mode
Now that you're thinking about your breath every second of every day, your entire life from here on out is just one long yoga class. Congrats!
The Top Ten “The Only Black Dude” Black Dudes in Movies
Celebrating the memory of those black guys who went it alone, fighting against oppression, while also fighting werewolf cops or whatever.
Are You Addicted to Click? Conquer Your Year with CloseTabuary
Stop getting high on click. Here's how to bite the bullet and close every open tab littering your devices during CloseTabuary.
4 Ways for Audiophiles to Drown Out the Sounds of a Dying Cat
Four ways to trade those painful, meowy gasps for quality, pounding synths, whether you're a hip-hop head, a folk fanatic, or a sensitive Nancy.
New York City Pizzerias Rated by How Good They Are for Hiding from Your Ex-Wife Trying to Collect Her Alimony Check
If you can shirk you financial responsibilities to your ex-wife here, you can shirk your financial responsibilities to your ex-wife anywhere.
An Olympian’s Guide to Having Sex with Athletes Living Under Various Forms of Government
While having sex with communists, totalitarians, and socialists all in the same place can be exhilarating, it can also be fraught with peril.
Five Moves the Trump Administration Should Have Made at the NBA Trade Deadline
Add Kyrie Irving's ball handling skills to his Betsy Devos-level production (from a disbelief in modern science standpoint), and you've got a title contender.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Valentine’s Day Essentials
With the smell of Elmer's glue and viscosity of frozen molasses, Ghost Lube by Karl Lagerfeld is a must-have at a mere $4,500 per bottle.
How I Got My Dad to Stop Bowing to the Waitstaff at Toshi’s Sashimi House
He may mean well, but your dad has gotta stop this. Not only for the good folks at Toshi's, but for your socially-conscious millennial sanity.
How to Get Dracula to Stop Texting You Without Being Mean
Sure, everyone knows Dracula is technically a mass murdering undead monster, but still, you don't want to be a jerk when blowing him off.
5 Ways to Convince Guests That the Unused Peloton in the Spare Bedroom Isn’t Your Deepest Shame
Spending $2,000 on an exercise bike you weren't equipped to handle is definitely your heart's heaviest baggage, but YOU CAN'T LET THEM KNOW THAT!