Ten Grapes I Ate Anyway
Grape that went under the refrigerator: I swear it bounced off my knee and shot directly under the fridge.
Tag: Guides and Listicles
Five Turtles You Saved to Get into College and the Spine-Chilling Deaths They’ve Died Since
From the moment you looked into Doris's eyes, you knew that your father's assistant who majored in Comp Lit at Yale would find the right words to describe them.
How to Tell If That Beeping Noise Means Your Fridge Is Slightly Ajar or You’re Slowly Dying of Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
A Subtle Jingle Ascending in Scale: Your Bluetooth headphones are alerting you to a dying battery with a gentle cry for sustenance.
A Real New Yorker’s Guide to the Real New York, Really
First, don’t ever call it the Big Apple. That’s embarrassing. The locals call it Nork-Nork. As in, “Welcome to Nork-Nork, dumb-dumb!"
Your Mama Jokes from Guy Who Is Clearly in Love with Your Mom
Your mama’s so broke she doesn’t even make cents! Which is a shame because she’s worked hard for everything in this life.
Wedding Vows Written by the World’s Worst Podcaster
Kara, from today onward, you and I will be one in heart, body, and mind. Hey, can we curse on this thing?
Phishing Scams That Would Work On Me
YOU FORGOT MOM’S BIRTHDAY! IT’S TODAY! BUY HER A PRESENT HERE NOW!
Mood Lighting for Life’s Pivotal Moments
Faerie Lights: For when you’re watching "Garden State" with him for the first time.
Tips for Toddlers to Limit Parents’ Screen Time
Be More Interesting Than Whatever Is On Their Screens: You do have one huge advantage over their screens: a direct and genetic link to their vanity.
What Your Latte Milk Preference Says About You
Whole: Expect your life to be "Emily in Paris" but really it’s more like "Frances Ha"
Deciding Which of My 11,546 Photos to Delete
A Picture of the Loaf of Bread I Made Six Years Ago: My source of pride.
iPhone Screen Time Reports I Actually Need
You scrolled your own Instagram profile for 3 hours last week. You will never get that time back.