Your Pet May Be Trying to Kill You
As pet owners, we like to think that our dog or cat loves us as much as we love them. But sometimes the reality of the situation is, your pet would rather eliminate you.
Tag: Guides and Listicles
If Kanye’s Not Bipolar, Neither Am I
Yes, he can be a jerk. Yes, he can Yes, he lives large. But what if he can't help it? Would you bash Kanye if he was bipolar? Oh, you ARE cruel.
10 Tips for New Moms and Strippers
It’s here, the moment you’ve been dreading and looking forward to for what feels like forever: your first day on the job at the strip club, or…you’ve just gone into labor.
How to Have Your Food and Not Pay for It Too
I’m a foodie at heart, but I’m cheap and lazy in reality. With a bit of elbow grease and macaroni, I’ve figured out a way to both have my free cake and eat it to excess.
Softees: Five Reasons Americans are About as Hard as Pudding
People have found so many things to cry about that one can only wonder: what happened to our backbones? Americans used to be tough, now we're straight jelly.
A Nitpicky Guide for Dealing with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
OCD is no laughing matter. Your face, however, is a different story. In fact, you should probably get that checked out before you seek therapy for your OCD.
Seven Reasons to Put Your Cat in the Microwave
Think about it, why not put your cat in the microwave? Last I heard (and contrary to what our "president" seems to think), this is still a free country. Just do it.
Employee Suggestion Box Entries at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum
"If I see another visitor pretending to have sex with the wax Beyoncé I am going to quit. I think we should put bags over the wax celebrities' heads."
The Third Cop in the Good Cop, Bad Cop Routine
Any knuckle-headed crook worth his weight in salt knows better than to fall for the classic good cop/bad cop routine. That's when I come in: tired, horny cop.
Twitter Translations: College Girl Edition
If you're not a seasoned veteran of the Twitter streets then some of these girls' tweets might be hard to decipher. Here's a guide for beginners.
How to Completely Empathize with Road-Raged Drivers
At the Deep-Seated Mentality Driving School, we pride ourselves on initiating drivers how low their brethren can sink, and how they must be prepared for the worst.
The Absolute Douchebag’s Guide to Driving
When selecting a truck, always remember the golden rule: the bigger, the better. This rule will apply to almost everything we talk about, other than your tank top.