10 Things to Post on Facebook If You’re a Total Dick
Avoid posting about the weather, news, your feelings, or "inspiring" Latin quotes, unless you want people to think there's something seriously wrong with you.
Tag: Guides and Listicles
An Ode to Being Fat
As someone fat enough it would take even 19th century sailors a few years at sea to be tricked into fucking, I'd like to pause and reflect on the silver lining of being fat.
How to Write a Comedy Article on the Internet
The title is half the battle. If I recorded a CD and named it "Guns Babes Lemonade," you would probably listen to it. Well there is an album called that. Listen to it.
Your Five Empowering Halloween Imperatives
First, you're going to buy a pumpkin about the size of a keg of beer, and smash it on your patio. Then you're going to the library for follow-up Halloween exercises.
7 Reasons Every College Student Should Start Their Own Metal Band
Sure, your soul could be possessed by demons and your entire being assimilated into an abyss of utter, inescapable darkness. But it's a risk worth taking.
How to Have Sex with Dolphins
For years the modern man has been fascinated by the dolphin's purported ability to have sex for pleasure. But to get a dolphin in the mood, it needs proper foreplay.
5 Reasons Why a Dictator’s Life is Better Than Yours
Sure you have to be ruthless and commit inhumane acts to maintain the culture of fear and desperation that keeps you in power, but it really is a charmed life.
5 Reality TV Shows Repurposed for Maximum Drama
Reality TV shows are a dime a boring dozen these days. That's why we've created "The Real Housewives of Mogadishu" and "Top Homeless Chef"!
Batman & Robin Discuss the 10 Highest-Grossing Films of the 90’s
Special effects came on in leaps and bounds, Disney was in its golden age, and asshole Hollywood producers were yet to try and release every single film in 3D.
The 7 Absolute Worst Spinoff TV Shows This Fall
These are the network TV shows this fall that beg the question, "Are these network executives planning to seek professional help for their drug problems?"
Four Tips for Hosting Rosemary’s Baby Shower
Baby shower timing is important. Too late and Rosemary may be dead after the Antichrist rips out of her stomach. Too soon and she'll have no baby bump to sport!
18 Reasons to Believe Peyton Manning is Actually a Cyborg
Tony Dungy wants to take over the world for religious purposes; Peyton Manning wants to take over the world for world domination purposes.