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At our first show without the droning hum of our generator, it was scary to launch into our opener, a cover of “The Big Rock Candy Mountain.”

Hapless criminals looking for qualified candidate to provide wakeup service to a suburban Chicago family with an early morning flight.

Have any special skills? Call those “in your wheelhouse”--it shows you love baseball but are also serious. Don't have special skills? Doesn’t matter.

Reintroduce every person to ensure there are no people "ghosts" on the call. Remember that there will, however, be actual "ghosts" on the call.

Caring for children is one of life’s most rewarding jobs. Our nanny will need a sens…

Obsession: Refresh Zillow every three minutes. Ignore texts from your friends. Optimize your meals by blending your food & sipping it from a thermos.

Single-frame comic mocking PowerPoints in attempt to dissuade their use by students, displayed above desk at which you design your daily PowerPoint.

Is this real life? This lawsuit has consumed your mind, your nerves, your days, your marriage for the better part of four years.

Explain that "Interpretive Trail Hiking" won’t have a steady paycheck and encourage your boots to instead major in "Pre-Backpacking" at Bootiversity.

I was a philosophy major. I can’t say my studies haven’t served me well in my current line of work as the beachball tossed at corporate sales events.

There we are, four feet peeking out, intimating that our other body parts are currently engaged in some very exciting and hidden sexual activity.

How about some credit for processing all invoices while my boss lectured me on "eating too many microwaved oyster and pastrami sandwiches at work"?