Judd Apatow Endings of Classic Hollywood Films
"Titanic": The tryst (an additional 56 minutes of footage) enables 100-year-old Rose to learn more about herself and what she wants out of life.
Tag: Satire and Parody
As the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, My Job Is to Give Fans Exactly What They Want: As Little Baseball as Possible
I've been accused of only looking out for the owners, which is patently false. The products—I mean players!—are my absolute top priority
I Hope This Email Finds You
My boss trusted me enough to get coffee and sometimes even pick up an occasional muffin. In addition, I became well-versed in Excel.
5 Incredibly Stupid Things That Would Still Make Way More Sense to Commemorate Than the Confederacy
When IHOP changed its name to IHOB for like 2 weeks. Was it stupid? Was it as stupid as 11 states fighting to maintain the right to own human beings?
I’m Your Random Chin Hair, and I’m Pleading for My Life
Since I showed up, did I bother you? Now suddenly, because you look into a magnifying mirror for the first time in months, I'm a problem?
We Are Time-Traveling High School Students with an Urgent Plea: Stop Making History
We're only a few weeks into our "Modern World: January to December 2020" AP course and holy shit is it kicking our asses.
I’d Like to Add 50 More Weeks to My Two Week’s Notice
The past six years have been rewarding and have not been a "suck chamber" where I’ve "eagerly counted down until my death."
Antifa Job Postings, According to Republicans
Have experience with peaceful protesting but want to take it to the NEXT LEVEL? Often described as "the last person someone would suspect of being a criminal"?
My Only Job Option Is to Play Professional Baseball
There's no better job out of college than playing in the MLB. Great pay, fame, and most of the time you’re standing around and not doing anything.
My Brutally Honest Cover Letter for the Cupcake Deliverer Role
The cover letter is the most recycled paper item in the world; what you’re reading is a repurposed version of one that I sent to Whole Foods.
Great-Great-Grandma Mathilda’s Recipe for Eating the Rich
Ingredients: 1 billionaire, appropriately beaten; Kosher salt; Fresh herbs / Serves: 99% of the population, when divided equally.
Are You in an Average Relationship or a Sexy, Self-Destructive Relationship in a Sally Rooney Novel?
One of your boyfriend’s friends bullies you, does your boyfriend… a) ...stand up for me! b) ...not do anything for sexy and mysterious reasons.