The Burgeoning Collection of Unnecessary Screenshots on Your Phone
Solar eclipse pathways for the next twenty years, so that you can prepare ahead.
Tag: Satire and Parody
An Open Letter to the Man Who’s Liked Me on Hinge Five Times
My profile specifically states I'm looking for "the Jim to my Pam," meanwhile you're still "figuring out your relationship type."
Your Local Weed Guy Has Been Acquired by MegaTech
It’s still me, the same old Gary, but now I’m backed by a mega-cap corporate behemoth. You can just call me Gary Delivery Brought to You by MegaTech.
I’m Alexander the Great’s Brother and This Reunion Sucks
No Alex was a few years behind us. I’m Allen. See my nametag? Alex is probably off expanding the limits of the Western world or something, the madman.
Introducing Claritin-UB: The Only Allergy Medication for Used Bookstores
The haunted attic-tested formula will have you back to browsing through buttermilk-colored paperbacks in as few as 30 minutes.
Did I Tell You I Take Cold Showers Now?
My god, are my mornings agonizing! But it’s all worth it. The ice shards in the body wash act as an exfoliant and all day long my skin radiates.
Myths and Facts About Balloon Animals
Myth: Balloon animals hate humans for cursing them with life. Fact: Balloon animals only hate the specific human who inflated them.
How to Still Be the Main Character of Your Friend Group Even Though One of Your Friends Got Hit by a Car
Now, is it sad? Of course. But the problem lies within people being concerned about her... more than they pay attention to you.
Please Ban My Book, I Need the Exposure
Presales numbers are important to publishers, and a high-profile banishment is the 2024 version of an Oprah’s Book Club Sticker.
I May Be a Worm and I May Be Tantalizing, But Trust Me, Trout, You Don’t Want to Eat Me
Haven’t you noticed your friends and family disappearing? It never once crossed your mind to file a missing fish report?
I, Your Dead Wife, Want You to Remember This Romantic Moment While You’re Avenging Me
You’ll want to remember this before you charge into your first big gun battle with Dmitri the Razor’s anonymous henchmen and make your pain theirs.
It Is My Great Honor to Introduce Our Next Guest Speaker Who Will Then Be Introducing Tonight’s Keynote Speaker
When I heard I would be given the honor of introducing tonight’s penultimate speaker, you could imagine my excitement.