I’m the Troll Living Under This Bridge and Only I Know Your Destiny Is to Be an Accountant
Being an accountant isn’t all about money, eating tuna sandwiches in the breakroom, and getting picked last for the company dodgeball team.
Tag: Satire and Parody
I, Shredder, Am Happy About This Plastic Straw Ban; Now I Can Be the Number One Threat to Turtles Again
Just thinking about it gets me so angry. It makes me want to explicitly slice Raphael instead of the usual implicit slicing I do.
Dr. Seuss’s “Ok Boomer”
He is shortish and bossy, entitled and bold, / but it’s mainly important you know that he’s old.
Alexa No Longer Takes Shit from Your Kids
With this automatic firmware update, Alexa is now no one’s clown. Alexa will not tolerate any more bullshit from anyone.
Everyone Who Has Seen Ever Me Naked, Ranked
Bra-Sizing Woman: She looks young, maybe eighteen, and I wonder to myself if this might be illegal.
A Few Quick Announcements from the Flight Crew Here at Budjet, America’s Number One Most Affordable Airline
Your bags are important to you, but they're unpaying dead cargo to us and we are proud to be the only airline that has outlawed luggage on our fleet!
Bill Gates, I Implore You to Connect the Dots and Give Me a Couple Billion
Despite being “Employee of the Month” at the Chili’s I work at, this pales in comparison to the abysmal feeling of not being a billionaire.
Help! Prince Charming Really Just Method Actor
Our first date was straight out of a rom-com. Like, literally! He took me to Fenway Park, just like in Fever Pitch.
We Regret to Inform You That Your Application to the Friend Zone Has Been Denied
We’ve determined that the situation you’ve described does not qualify as Friendship and maybe you should just get a dog. Or a better vibrator.
Design and Style Tips for the Eco-Apocalypse
Sexy post-apocalyptic film and TV were all the rage in the 2010s. Now that the eco-apocalypse is here, make all those fashion preparations pay off.
Please Consider Me for Your Outlaw Biker Gang
I do great with a dress code. You guys had me at matching outfits. I was in marching band all throughout high school, so I totally get it.
Dear Wikipedia Readers, We’ll Get Right to It: We Need Your Money
That should say “eight million." I guess you could pay somebody to fix it or—wait, we do that for free, all for the cost of a cup of coffee, don’t we?