Remember, Oh Co-Eds, the College Campus Landscapers
They were the ones tasked with Edward Scissorhanding the bushes on the hill that greeted you.
Tag: Satire and Parody
I’m Running for President to Improve My Dating Profile
Yes, as of last Tuesday when Giselle dumped me, I decided to become a candidate too.
Let’s Discuss the Global Hunger Epidemic Over by Our Company’s Free Snack Drawer
Did you know that there's a hunger epidemic going on? And more importantly, did you know that the office switched to ordering from Fresh Direct?
Leonardo DiCaprio Quote or the Last Thing I Said Before Getting Slapped in the Face By My Good-Time Gal at Lover’s Lane
When a role for a young guy is being offered to me, I think of River Phoenix. It feels like a loss.
I Am the Orc from Your Favorite Movies
I played an orc in the Lord of the Ring movies. If you look closely, I am the grayish one with the teeth coming out in all directions from my face.
My Eulogy as Delivered by My Targeted Ads
Judging by how few followers he had, I probably knew him best.
I Refuse to Be the Only One Responsible for Mom’s Birthday Present
I don’t need to remind you about the “Flower Pot Fiasco," the “Macaroni Art Disaster," or the “I Thought It Wasn’t Until Next Month” flop.
Honest Engagement Cards
I know we aren’t particularly close, but we do have a ton of friends in common, which means it would be a lot of fun for me to go to your wedding.
Why Doesn’t My Roommate Understand That a Witch Put a Spell on Me and Now I’m Not Allowed to Wash the Dishes
She raised a wand and twirled it in the air. She chanted, “Dawn and Palmolive, Scotchbrite and Ocelo, you’re not allowed to do the dishes no more-lo.”
Despite Advice in My 8th Grade Yearbook, I Did Not “Stay Kewl”
While I may have had a “GR8 Summer” and “hittin’ up the pool or sumthin'," I did not take your advice to be my authentic, off-the-hook self.
Real Estate Listings for Greenland, Britain, The White House, and More
Over two million square kilometers of sparsely populated land makes for an ideal getaway for those times when you really want to be alone.
This Might Sound Crazy, But Your House is Made From My Mom
It would really mean a lot if I could come in and see where she … ended up. Sorry, looks like I’m interrupting book club.