Let Me Feign Confidence for This Networking Luau
Sitting at a bar alone chewing mint gum while sipping a fruity drink is the ideal thing for a confident person to do at a party.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Erotica by a Woman Pretending to Be a Man Who is Pretending to Be a Woman
Her nipples were like CD-ROMS, perfectly circular, and any man could see themselves in them.
RE: The Restless Dead Haunting the Office
Could we reschedule our 3:00? A rift between this world and the next has opened in the conference room, and we can’t hear client calls over the endless torture of the damned.
Be the Housesitter: Mitski’s Housesitting Instructions
I’ve made up the bed for you with clean sheets. All of my greatest wishes and darkest thoughts have laid across my mattress.
My Healthcare Plan is to Be Buried in an Ancient Pet Cemetery
I've been informed me that the "sour ground" is the result of eldritch horrors, but in today's economy, you have to play the cards you're dealt.
Ideas for Mending Your Relationship with the IRS after Being Caught Cheating on Taxes
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.
One Scintillating Detail You Can Share With Your Date About Each of the Books On Your Bookshelf That You Haven’t Actually Read
What do we mean when we say that we’ve “read a book?” Do we mean that we've purchased the book, never cracked it, and had forgotten it existed?
Congratulations on the Birth of Your Child, That Will Be $765,047.04
Thank you for using America’s Health Care, Inc. If we do not receive payment within 14 days, we will escalate to an even more sternly worded letter.
I Am Ben Affleck’s Back Tattoo
I need to be moistened. I must stay moist. Look at me upside down and I become the illustrated narrative of Ben’s epic friendship with Matt Damon
My Wife and I Are Child-Free, Todd
That air of unbridled exhilaration and freedom you had? We always have that look, Todd. Because we never have to deal with your wretched offspring.
The Mayor of New York City Should Be an Actual Train
Whereas politicians say lies, trains say only “choo-choo” and “chuga-chuga” and “stand clear of the closing doors, please.”
I Starred as “Greg” in a Corporate Sexual Harassment Training Video and It Ruined My Life
For approximately 134,000 of my New Brunswick neighbors and others across the globe, I became the face of workplace sexual harassment.