We Made Cat Tinder Because There Were No Better Options
Why spend the night with a random internet hookup who describes you as a "sex kitten" when you can hold a real kitten?
Tag: Satire and Parody
The Pitch for TV’s First Pimple-Popping Series
Billie Jean squeezes the pimple on Jane's back and the white oily insides explode. The release is orgasmic, and the girls decide they can be pop stars.
Things Said to Be Said by Scientists Not Representative of Things Scientists Say, Say Scientists
In a recent study performed by scientists, 96% of scientists said that the things scientists are said to have said do not represent the full spectrum of things scientists say.
I Feel Like I Didn’t Really Take Advantage of Tom Petty as Much as I Should Have While He Was Still Alive
Here we are, only weeks into the part of my life when I remembered who Tom Petty was, and he was taken from me. Or should I say, that I was taken from him.
How to Network (With Your Parents) in Hollywood
With famous parents, you have the advantage of not needing to beat around the bush and pretend to be considerate of their feelings; you can just ask them for a job!
Requests for My Make-A-Wish Bachelor Party
Dear Make-A-Wish Foundation, I've recently been given three weeks to live. Because I am 12 and have not yet experienced a bachelor party, here is my list of requests.
This Fearless Cover Letter Almost Got Me Hired By Bill Gates
You know what I see when I look at you, Bill Gates? I see a guy who didn't need Networking Parties to build his empire. I see a guy who looks like me, except a bit toadish.
As a Proud Roman Patrician, I Hereby Denounce the Gladiators Protesting Emperor Caligula
Outrageous! Gladiators have been engaging in vile political protest by quietly bending to their knees rather than showing proper tribute to our Empire and dear Emperor Caligula.
That Episode of Fox & Friends the Other Day was So Good
My favorite show, after The Apprentice of course, is Fox & Friends. I was watching an episode the other day, so good, so much about me, had to make a speech about it here.
Women, Here’s What Your Dating Profile Should Really Look Like
More friendly advice for those women thinking about online dating...because my advice for men the first time around wasn't enough.
Let’s Not Make a Big Deal Out of My Viking Funeral Pyre
Less is more, I always said. If you can’t find a fjord in New Jersey, better apply for an ocean permit ASAP so we can have the ceremony at Brigantine Beach.
The iPhone 43 is Finally Here
Tim Cook's voice sounded almost dreamlike as it reverberated off the pillars and buttresses of the repurposed superchurch that served as Apple's Announcement Pod.