Tinder Feature Request: Emergency Unswipe-Right for Cousins
I’m sitting at work, swiping right like I have a muscle spasm and three women have gone by when I begin to ask myself, was that Megan?
Tag: Satire and Parody
The Only Trustworthy News Sources Are the Post-Its Steve Bannon Leaves Me
Those little yellow stickies are the only place you can trust for good news. Well I mean “good” like “real,” because sometimes the news, it isn't so good.
Can You Escape the Footnotes of This Article?
Only those with great strength [1], wit [2], and magick [3] will navigate these footnotes [4] successfully. Can you find safe passage to the Citadel of Footnotes [5]?
It Would Be Wrong to Make a Jacket Out of Rob Lowe’s Skin
I understand the difference between right and wrong. And if somebody captured Rob Lowe, murdered him and made a jacket out of his skin it would be wrong.
What It’s Like Being a Telemarketer From Hell
From 150 miles under the bandstand of Toms River, NJ, a demon explains what it's like to be a timeshare telemarketer in Hell.
My New Stepdad is a US Military Predator Drone
I was hesitant at first. A military guy? Is he every going to be around with all those long deployments? Was my mom really ready for that life?
It Must Be Nice Having the Job Security That Comes With Acting
Compared to investment banking, my colleagues tell me acting is almost completely recession-proof. People will buy tickets to shows even if they don't have the money to buy them!
Kellyanne Conway Defends The Joker, Dr. Evil and Jafar on CNN
"I think that it’s important to realize that Mr. Wayne has kept a lot of secrets from the American people, secrets that Mr. Joker, frankly, feels they deserve to have answered."
An Open Letter to White Supremacists from the Dead Jewish Guy in Your Mother’s Grave
In a concerted effort to protect our own from further desecration and prejudice, we secretly replace all Gentile bodies with dead Jews. Standard procedure within the Conspiracy.
A Father’s Guide to Gettin’ Busy with a Lady
I won't go into biological details, son, because that would just be awkward for both of us, but I really want you to understand that Gettin’ Down to Business is serious business.
The Cold Hard Truth About Snuffalupagus
So, you want the inside scoop on Snuffy, Big Bird’s best pal? Well, here’s the cold, hard truth: Mr. Snuffalupagus wasn’t imaginary at all, he was a crook.
Sorry Conservatives, Just Because I Was Raised By Two Moms Doesn’t Mean I’m Messed Up—I’m Messed Up Because My Moms Were Wolves
It really irks me when someone says my two-mom, non-traditional upbringing, could have damaged me as a child. I'm damaged because my moms were wolves.