I’m the Adult in This Horror Movie and You Kids Better Not Be Doing Anything Supernatural in There
You’re young, your hormones are raging. All you want to do is figure out what the shadowy figure following you through mirrors is saying.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Seven Things That Seem Spooky but Are Completely Normal Parts of Staying at a Cabin in Fall
Don’t worry about the old-timer who whispers “Beware the woods at night!” to you—it’s just his way of welcoming you!
You Ain’t from ‘Round These Parts, Are You? Best Subscribe to My Newsletter, Pard
I’ll tell you this about Carson City, pard: if’n you wanna survive on these wild plains, best thing you can do is subscribe to my newsletter.
If Henry David Thoreau Had a Goofy Sidekick at Walden Pond
"Dude, I heard you were doing the transcendental thing so I brought you a six pack and a slew of magazines of an... Umm... Delicate nature!"
As a Medieval Monk, I Am Tired of Being Asked to Investigate a Series of Murders
Some of us are in it for the monk-ing and not the "reluctantly helping to investigate a crime despite the suspicion it draws upon themselves"-ing.
Vows from the Woman Who Hates Her Future Husband
You’ve seen the lows; the fighting, the occasional breakups, and the time Jeff left me at Six Flags and the park closed while I was still inside.
I’m 90% Sure the Blood Bank’s New Email Marketer Is Dracula
FALL Under The Spell Of The New York Blood Center’s Impending Autumn Drive. Ah-Ah-AH!
I Know This Amazing Bar
Like all bars with inscrutable locations, it’s a speakeasy. A “secret” bar. But it’s a secret the way it’s “a secret” your aunt got a facelift in 2015.
FAQ for Travelers Planning to Visit Heaven
Heaven has several noteworthy attractions. It boasts a decent choir, if you enjoy liturgical music. The library has a good book.
I’m the Man Who Gets Paid to Say “Tut Tut” Every Time You Think About Sex
Depending on how gross the thought is, I’ll either do a full “tut tut” or just a simple tongue cluck. It’s an art, really.
At Our Montessori School, We Offer Drug Culture Without the Drugs
By the time your child is in elementary school, they’ll be able to replace your basement door with a beaded curtain adorned with Grateful Dead skulls.
Easy Answers to Common Job Interview Questions for Anyone Who Was Saved by a Swamp Creature When They Were Nine
In five years I hope I can stop dwelling on the time when I was sucked into the thick swamp ooze only to be rescued by a creature of the night.