FAQ for Amazon’s New “Steal It” Button
We at Amazon want to replicate every part of the brick-and-mortar experience, and that includes the sweet sweet thrill of shoplifting.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Maximize Anxiety While Prepping for Your Annual Physical
Google “What does sexually active mean?” Is it like you’re having sex right at that moment? In the past year? Ever?
At VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, We Don’t Sell Insecticide, We Sell Experiences
Because at VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, we don’t sell insecticide. We sell experiences.
Congratulations Patriot, You’ve Been Selected to Get Launched into Space
For safety, we’re tying you right to the tip of the rocket—far from the hot hot thrusters. You’ll also get plenty of SPF to protect you.
Congratulations, It Was All Worth It: You Were Hand-Selected to Apply for a Discover Miles Credit Card by God and His Angels
He got together with all the angels, Betty White, and your childhood dog, and they had a long hard think about how things are going down here.
Hey, I Was Out on a Run and Saw You Sitting Here at Brunch
I’m so jealous of guys like you who can just sit at a table like this for hours and hours without literally moving a muscle—must be nice.
Your Baby Shower Isn’t About Me—But It Should Be
We don't even know him, what if this kickass party goes to waste because your baby ends up being a loser or something?
I Went to a Concert and Took a Bunch of Terrible Videos for Us to Watch Together Right Now
Just imagine the most unbelievable venue design I’ve ever seen is right behind his bald, moon-shaped head.
Wow, So All 30 of You Robbed a Nordstrom but None of You Texted Me?
You think you know a person and then they run off with 29 of your closest friends to do a smash-and-grab.
Emily, This Is Your Bank That Cares: You’re Overdrawn, Sweetie
Uh oh, you're back into the ol' overdraft - just two minutes after being paid. Thoughts and, of course, prayers, Emily.
I Thought I Was Reporting a Simple Story About Pothole Repairs—I Couldn’t Believe I Was Right
If there wasn’t something more to it, I would be pretty bored and not have a good shot at turning it into a series of Pulitzer Prize-winning articles.
Help! I Wished for a Kitchen Island and Now I’m Stranded in the Atlantic
When I dared him to grant me one wish, I should have known that a quite expansive piece of sandy land would appear right where I was standing.