Despite a Shockingly Low Number of Applicants, You Somehow Did Not Get This Residency
If there was ever a year for you to slip through and get this relatively prestigious residency, it would have been this one.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Survey: Did You Like Our Ad for Anti-Anxiety Medication?
Please describe how you felt after reading the disclaimer, “You’re right—you are getting these ads more often than anyone else. Everyone knows this and is talking about it.”
And Child Spake Unto Dad, “Let My People Go to the Park”
"Take thy breakfast and cast it before Dad, and it shall become a mess upon the floor.” And Child and Toddler did as the LORD commanded.
Now That Everyone Knows Aliens Exist, Can I Please Hang Out with You Guys after Work?
I offered to shapeshift so that I look exactly like Kevin or even just wear a baseball cap if it would be helpful.
An Honor to Be Nominated: Why I Must, Regrettfully, Refuse This Blunt
While on the outside I look like I spent a past life as a lava lamp, my insides are as square as an actuary’s lunch box.
I Want to Kill My Cell Phone
I want to feed my cell phone to an alligator without causing the alligator any digestive issues.
I’m Telling You This Is Not a Speakeasy, It’s a Laundromat
I understand that this neighborhood has changed in recent years, and to some, my frontage looks “ironically shambolic” or “intentionally distressed.”
Letter to My Wife After She Casually Told Me She Knew Someone Who Was Eaten by a Lion Ten Years into Our Relationship
I would think this would be first-three-date territory, even. Instead, you decided to mention it a decade into our relationship.
RE: Shelly’s House Is Opening Up: What You Need to Know
This newsletter is put together by VOLUNTEERS in Shelly's basement sewing room and it's hard for us to keep up with ALL OF YOUR MANY, MANY QUESTIONS!
Shit! I’m Getting Sued by Barenaked Ladies Again
Why do Barenaked Ladies’ experienced lawyers continue sending me documents entitled “SLIP AND FALL LAWSUIT, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR BAND”?
I Used to Be on the Left; Then They Laughed at My Forbidden Experiments
People I trusted to think through issues started quoting slogans I didn’t understand. “The dead are better off remaining dead,” they would say.
My Cryptic Social Media Posts Will Alarm and Confuse You
“Everything must come to an end.” Did I just tell you I’m dying, or that I finished The Legend of Zelda?