Will I Watch Your Stuff for a Second? I Will Guard It with My Life
I swear to you by all that is holy and true I will defend your 2015 MacBook and Moleskine notebook with every fiber of my being.
Tag: Satire and Parody
We, the Manufacturers of the “Gargantuan Gary” Action Figure, Would like to Extend Our Deepest Condolences
It is beyond comprehension to many of us at Spaz headquarters that our new eighty-foot-tall action figure could be the cause of such an accident.
We Are a Fancy Restaurant, and We Are About to Dim the Lights
Darkness provides ambiance. Your food will look mysterious. Changing burned-out lightbulbs is a chore we just don’t want to do.
Writers: Are You a Plotter, a Pantser, or Are You Plotting Revenge on the Kid Who Pantsed You in High School Gym Class?
Some write to live out a fantasy that they were never granted: revenge on Frankie Wick, who pantsed them in Ms. Dakota’s class in the 9th grade.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar Executive
On Wednesday he ate through his employee's 401ks, but he was still hungry.
I’m Your Childhood Boy Band Crush, and I’m Finally Available to Date You
I still have all 327 of your fan letters from 1997--kick-ass Lisa Frank stationary, by the way--and I’m sorry it’s taken so long to respond.
For Sale: Charming 2 Bed/2 Bath Cape Cod with Paul Reiser Room!
This room also differs from other rooms in the home in that it features multiple bronze Paul Reiser statues bolted directly to the floor.
My Self-Driving Car Lets Me Focus On It Killing Me
Better to be in a state of terrified anxiety that your autopilot could end your life at any moment.
9 Easy Life Hacks That Definitely Aren’t Black Magic, Trust Us
Life Hack: Take some plastic and wrap it around the stem of the banana. This will give the banana a noticeably longer lifespan. This isn’t because of magic!
A Being of Supreme Intelligence from Outer Space Has a Few Questions About the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Okay, first of all: do you know Lisa Rinna? And is she nearby? Ideally I’d be talking to her. We Enlightened Ones worship her as a god.
Every Situation in Which I Would Literally Say, “You Snooze, You Lose”
I’m a notorious 1850s Vaudeville impresario known as “The Dean of Mean.” My top rule for performers is “don’t be a snooze.”
Shakespeare’s Tragic Figures Share Career Updates on LinkedIn
Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet are celebrating their Connection Anniversary at The Capulet Family Tomb.