A Guided Meditation for Moving Out of Your Walk-up Apartment
Take a few breaths, now a few more breaths. Are you really wheezing already? That was only the second trip to the U-Haul.
Tag: Satire and Parody
I’ve Traveled Back in Time to Be on the Forbes “30 Under 30”
With the last dregs of humanity, I became one of the lucky few to be invited into a reinforced bunker (along with my pal Mike, who is not as grateful).
This Is Your 3 AM Existential Dread Wake-up Call
Let’s see. What else can we dredge up from the darkest recesses of your mind to totally fuck up your night?
Alfred Hitchcock Loses His Suspense
After a moment of self-reflection, Jeff decides spying is unethical and this neighbors deserve more respect.
Thanks for Giving Me the Exact Compliment I Definitely Wasn’t Fishing For
I was wondering aloud if my hair looked hideous and ratty like an overstuffed wasp nest. I didn’t even think you heard my medium-quiet whisper!
A Few Words Before the Opening of “Bagel Bites the Musical”
Now the haters are gonna eat their words like a saturated fat-soaked afterschool snack.
A Guide to the Various Women of My Dreams
Including "The Capable Ice Road Trucker" and "The Priest Who Challenged Me to a Rap Battle at My Nephew’s Baptism.”
What the Ancient Sequoias Can Teach Me, a Woman, About Aging
There is no need for me to use fancy equipment or creams. I do not belong in Hollywood. That is not my natural habitat.
This Car Sticker of Guns Is My Family, and It Is Just as Sad as It Sounds
My sticker is hilarious because instead of a normie cartoon of my nonexistent wife and darling children, I’ve got two big guns.
Microshaft Word’s AI Helps Write a Letter
Due to an unexpected internal error, Micro haft Word i pre ently unable to di play the letter " ."
Please Don’t Post Recipes That Aren’t Tailored to My Specific Dietary Needs
Pancakes?! Why not mashed potatoes? Who makes pancakes for dinner, especially Thanksgiving dinner?
Syllabus for Zombie Apocalypse Survival 101
Office Hours: By appointment only, instructor often scavenges the Wastes during daylight hours.