Please Enjoy Our 62-Ingredient Bloody Mary
We’ve also shitloaded that thing with, like, 17 green olives from the most overpriced gourmet grocery store we could find.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Letterboxd Reviews for the Accidental Livestream of My Trip to the Bathroom
★★★ Watched on the toilet. Very meta experience. Would recommend.
Oscar Wilde Gets a Little Lost in the Sauce
He could tell at once that this luncheon’s company would be quite dull, which was always exciting.
We Get It, You Don’t Like Cow’s Milk Anymore. Here Are 6 Rodents We Milked Instead
Firstly, you shouldn’t be put off by the fact this milk is from a rat. This is top-shelf stuff in the rodent milk world.
An Orangutan’s Review of the Restaurant He Just Broke Into
It had just recently opened the moment I turned the corner, as I have no object permanence.
An Open Letter to Shark Experts and Statisticians
It's not like I’m going to be walking in the park only to be attacked by a stealthy vending machine that pops out from behind a tree.
My Fellow Henchman, I Noticed You Don’t Have My Number Saved
I was craning to see if you laughed at the Minions meme I sent and saw my contact name was just my number with "Maybe: Neil" under it.
It’s So Good to Catch Up Now That My Life Is Finally Going Better than Yours
You know what they say: you can’t live in the past, when all of my achievements paled in comparison to yours.
Reasons for Unsubscribing Besides “I Don’t Want to Receive These Emails”
- I am not interested in emails such as these. - My passion for these messages has with time been exhausted. - I am interested in not receiving these emails.
The Superhero Known as The Vegan Fends Off Home Invaders
“Vegan! Give us ze classified recipes and ve vill let you live!” The Vegan’s former best friend-turned-nemesis, General Draganov, shouts.
Join My WhatsApp Group for Unnecessary Updates on Our Kids’ School Bus Route
It might be a good idea to post messages after each kid is picked up so that we know that the bus has not disappeared into some space/time continuum.
A Letter from Ginger, the Crime-Solving Tabby of “The Maple Tree Mysteries” Book Series
My life has been nothing but cutesy crime solving and I’m over it. I’d rather get spayed again than have to solve one more cozy mystery.