Satire and Parody | Page 62

Tag: Satire and Parody

I can see that you've just put sunglasses on him. No, you're not allowed to "Weekend at Bernie's" an ice sculpture.

I am going to yell into a pillow. I am going to scream in an empty car. I am going to throw a full tantrum in the grocery store cereal aisle.

I think I can muster up just enough strength to go put the gardening tools away but that’s about it. Just give me a second while I try to stand up.

February 1: Someone told me the ice cream bowl was basically just a cone. Total hater.

The word was poised to leap out of my mouth. I could feel the word coming loose from whatever papillae it had stepped in.

Larry took long walks where he bore a smug, knowing smile as he passed this editor’s house and looked upon the decrepit, unkempt lawn.

I didn’t bring my resume with me but here you go: hahahahahhaa. See, I’m good.

“Yankee Stadium?” I said, pointing towards the castle below. “Camelot,” he replied. “What the fuck,” I said.

Before Lex Luthor’s hedge fund bought us out and we started reporting only by telephone, I loved running to crime scenes.

Oh McNo. I’m not McFeeling so McWell. My McVision is all McBlurred and I have a McPain in my McAbdomen.

Fight back by repeating daily affirmations—"I am good enough"—or by taking off a shoe and whipping it at the gremlin’s head.

No more acting like you don’t want guacamole or pretending that if you get guacamole, it’ll make you too full.