Announcing My Seasonal Transition to Fairweather Friend
Fairweather Friend Season commences with the onset of colder temperatures, and/or bird migration, and/or closed-toed shoes.
Tag: Satire and Parody
What My Next Week Would Have to Look Like for This Swiss Army Knife Purchase to Be Worth It
As the sun sets on the horizon, I use the bottle opener to crack open some ice cold beers and bond with my shipmates.
Google Maps Directions for a Parent with a Screaming Baby in the Backseat
In 200 feet, check the mirror to ensure your child hasn’t escaped the car seat like a little Gen Alpha Houdini.
A Lengthy Puff Piece About Scout Walz, First Dog of Minnesota
Scout is as energetic, spry, and sly as ever—the Paul Rudd of lab mixes. What’s his secret? “I sleep sixteen hours a day,” he deadpans.
Your Promotion from Coworker to Friend Has Been Denied
We know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear, but unfortunately our pool was full of more qualified applicants or people we already know who lived closer.
I Am the Last Living Person on Facebook
I’m alone. There is no other person on Facebook. Every day, I open Facebook. I look for any sign of human life. There is none.
Parents, Just Fill Up the Volunteer Sign-Up Sheets and There Won’t Be Any Problems
You’re always baking anyway, what's one more batch of brownies? What about 12 extra batches?
A Kindergarten Progress Report for Myself, a 37-Year-Old Woman
Using the mantra, “Don’t be a crazy person,” Amy has presented as a competent, securely attached parent at drop-off time.
Why Go Back to the Moon When We Already Crashed into Its Eye in George Méliès “A Trip to the Moon”?
Are our resources best used on returning to the moon, a place explored over 120 years ago by a team of astronomers with huge beards and wizard hats?
I’m Sorry I Proposed to You with a Mood Ring
I could tell when the jewelry dissolved into fuschia that your rage was masking “a range of emotions, including surprise, anxiety, restlessness, and confusion.”
We’re Definitely Not Exaggerating Our Claims About This Merino Wool Jacket Just to Get You to Buy It
This jacket matches whatever you’re wearing. It’ll choose an outfit for you if you don’t know what to wear.
I Am the Finance Director at the Car Dealership and I Welcome You into My Cramped Windowless Office
I’m here to take away, bogeyman-style, all the excitement that you had when you walked into my small windowless office of torture.