So You’re Telling Me a Shrimp Fried This Rice, Stole Your Credit Card, Then Spent a Thousand Dollars at a Strip Club?
So first you met a crustacean down at the beach and the two of you “really hit it off.” Let’s unpack that a bit.
Tag: Satire and Parody
My Friend’s Dog Is Actually Super Awkward to Hang with When My Friend Isn’t Around
I swear this dog knows every command except "speak?" I'm always carrying the conversation!
Sorta but Not Really Scary Emails That Jason Vorhees Sent Me in Lieu of a Good Old Fashioned Machete Slice
You think I didn’t see your ass (which was nude) swimming in Camp Crystal Lake? You know I drowned in there? That’s just disrespectful.
It’s Homemade Pizza Night So Forget Everything You Know
You’ll know that our vegetables are straight from the earth because they will be covered in dirt, sand, and little white stickers with barcodes.
I’d Love to Join Your Book Club on the Following Conditions
When it’s my turn to choose the book and I pick a trashy romance novel, no members can audibly sigh or give off any sense of smug superiority.
Guided Meditation to Help You Stop Thinking About the Boat Tunnel Scene in “Willy Wonka”
Thoughts of that scene have no place in this mindful state we are entering. Simply wave goodbye to those thoughts as they float by in your mind.
How to Take LSD or a Laxative
Take the day off of work! The experience can take between nine and twelve hours.
Only You Can End This Interminable NPR Pledge Drive
It's pledge drive season here at NPR, and we're going to air some of the worst radio you’ve ever imagined until you pay us to stop.
I’ve Been Meditating Consistently for Two Weeks and I Still Haven’t Achieved Enlightenment Yet
I’m not sure what the deal is but I wanted to lodge a formal complaint. Do you have an email?
How to Personalize Instagram Ads to Literally Just Me, Specifically
Maybe you’re a tea that’s going to help me self-actualize after one harrowing night on the toilet. You’re gonna want to use the word “tummy.”
Which Sibling Has to Do the Eulogy?
The oldest child doesn’t have to do it, that’s a myth. Of course you believe that, you thought chlamydia came from kissing in the dark until you were 14.
I’m the Screaming Baby on an Airplane—It’s a Tough Crowd Here
What’s the deal with rattles nowadays? Seems to me like a poor excuse for jangly keys! Oh, wait– can someone bring me a bottle?