6 Times It’s Completely Okay to Contact Your Ex
If you’re out-of-your-mind blackout wasted, prefrontal cortex operating at 0% capacity, contacting your ex is a fine way to direct your endorphins.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Credit Card Points: Your Key to the Ultimate Post-Pandemic Vacation
One credit card point can be worth 1.3 to 1.7 cents. I tried explaining this to my wife, but she was on a work call and I don’t think she really took it in.
A Series of Communiques from Your Former and Forever Meal Delivery Service
For free shipping on those meals, send a follow-up text with promo code: YESYOUCANTRACKMYPHONE.
This New Gym Is Absolutely Terrible
The equipment is hazardous and doesn’t even work. Yesterday, I pulled the power cord from Debbie’s treadmill and the thing just stopped on a dime.
5 Ways to Forget Your Ex by Redecorating
A common bedroom reno tip is to take a fancy trash can—like that gaudy, twisting, fuchsia disaster that Rachel bought—and flip it upside-down.
Tools of Titans: The Douchier Bits
Grab a vegan smoothie, plunge your feet into a bucket of ice, and allow yourself, like an eager guppy, to be reeled in by Tim Ferriss.
8 Robots You’re About to Marry (Because You Say Yes to Everything)
The U15-Humanoid Robot was granted independence by the Government or Earth, and the first thing it decided to do was find a human to marry.
Top Ten National Parks for Experiencing an Existential Crisis
Acadia: Remember when life felt like the boundless ocean view at sunrise from the top of Cadillac Mountain?
My Latest Job Rejection Email, Translated
We hope this message finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. (We hope you have other things going for you, like parents with substantial savings.)
Niccolò Machiavelli Reviews Children’s Books
Charlotte’s Web: After reading this pathetic book, I threw it from the top of the Duomo, where it landed upon and killed a Political Realist.
DMs to a Young Influencer
Collabs; more inexpressible than all is the subtle brand selfie, mysterious partnerships, the life of which, while ours passes away, endures.
I’m the Reader for Your Audition and Yes, I Want You to Fail
I ain't here to hold your hand bub, this game is survival of the fittest. You're the lamb, and I'm the shepherd and the puma.