As Your Unpaid TSA Worker, I Will Be Confiscating a Lot More Than Your Liquids
I’ll be honest, we’re not going to give you back your shoes.
Tag: Politics
Bob Mueller Can’t Tell Anybody He Completed “Twisted Metal 2” in Record Time
I really can't tell anybody this part but I doubt I will ever feel a pride as strong as when I watched Minion explode in front of Mr. Grimm's bike.
The Only 64 Crayola Crayon Colors Allowed in Mother Pence’s Immanuel Christian School Art Class
Second Lady Karen Pence has provided access to beautiful color shades such as Partial Birth Abortion Red-Orange and I Can Tolerate Misogyny Maroon.
The Trump Steaks Government Shutdown Special
There’s never been a better time to get our signature cuts of Flank, lower case T-Bone, Z-Bone, Subprime, Sphincter, Roadkill, and, of course, Okja.
The Wall Leaves a Series of Voicemails for President Trump
I get it. You're not really interested in me. I'm just an object you can show off to your friends. "Ooh look, I'm Donald Trump and I have a big wall!"
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Instant Pot Recipes for Angering Everyone
"Learn The Job Beef Chili" -- I only make this dish when I’m trying to displease people on both sides.
I Will Continue to Block the Slide Until We Build a Wall Separating Our Recess from Mrs. Montgomery’s Class
Many have told me that there would not be a problem in the first place if I would just get out of the way. Unfortunately, that isn't how I see it.
What to Expect With Your First 18-Year-Old War
Your war gets into Yale, just like its father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. Your war is a C student, just like its father.
The State Nicknames Convention
D.C.:Nevada, do you know what you’re going to go with? NV: The Silver State! D.C.: California? CA: Ahem: The Golden State. NV: Aw, dick move, man.
Lin Manuel Miranda Said He’d Kill My Family If I Didn’t Inspire You This Morning
“Love is love is love Fun is fun is fun Wake up, stretch like a cat” Oh god. He’s taking out a knife.
Mitt Romney: The President of the United States Has the Responsibility to At Least Pretend to Be a Good Person
Unlike Trump ushering children into his internment camps, Roosevelt likely said "please" and "thank you" before locking people up because of race.
Writing a Public Apology? Clappy is Here to Help!
Let me just grab an eraser for a quick correction: “pariah” is not how you spell “accountable.”