Yes, I Work for Satan, But It’s Just a Job
Have you ever seen "The Wolf of Wall Street?" It’s like that, except Jonah Hill isn’t the only one eating 5,000 calories for lunch every day.
Tag: Witchcraft
Found Crystals for the Financially Insolvent
Often referred to as a gateway totem, Shattered Window Shard is one of the easiest crystals to find or create.
How Not to Be a Shitty Witch in New York City
Know which spell you’re going to cast on the deli counter guy before you get to the front of the line. It’s unreal that some of you still do this.
Welcome to Our World Cup Party Where We Know Very Much About This Sport
Keeper is the proper term for goalkeeper, which I know from all the soccer I watch and not from memorizing the Quidditch positions in Harry Potter.
Leprechaun Stockbroker Innis McFreigh Likes Gold
Historically (more for you than for me as I'm hundreds of years old), gold values increase during dips in international trade.
To the Oscar Statue That Made Me Deeply Uncomfortable During Guillermo Del Toro’s Acceptance Speech
Dear Statue, I believe unequivocally that you and I now share some cosmic bond after we locked eyes during Del Toro's acceptance speech.
A Pitch for My TV Show “Finding Bigfoot and Also My Biological Parents If We Have Time”
The show aims to capture clear and undoctored footage of Bigfoot. Also, if we run into my biological parents along the way, that'd be pretty neat, too.
What Am I Supposed to Do with a Ventriloquist Dummy That’s NOT Haunted?
After buying a creepy antique doll, I was extremely disappointed to find out that there is nothing supernatural lurking behind its dead eyes.
Was Being Transported to King Arthur’s Court and Charged With Saving Camelot Really the Best Way to Learn Self-Confidence or Whatever?
Couldn't you just sit me down and teach me whatever lesson it is you're going for like a normal wizard mentor? Without the near-fatal experiences?
An Ode to the Five Pairs of Shoes Who’ve Been With Me Through Everything
I applaud you, as you were comfortable, people complimented you, and you made me appear like I had my shit together, which I did not.
All the Reasons Why My Screenplay, “Detective Tarantula: Web of Conspiracy,” Is Not Terrible
When I asked you to read this screenplay, I was looking for you to recognize it for what it is: a bold, dark, and emotionally compelling narrative.
How to Get Dracula to Stop Texting You Without Being Mean
Sure, everyone knows Dracula is technically a mass murdering undead monster, but still, you don't want to be a jerk when blowing him off.