Lisa: Why's that TV above the dart board keep switching over to a baseball game?
Me: Bonds' next homerun sets the career record.
Lisa: Oh. So everyone has to watch?
Kris: It's your turn to throw.
Me: Bonds is up.
Kris: No one cares.
Frank: It's unfair what Bonds is going through. I mean, all the persecution. It ain't like he's the only one that used steroids.
Me: True. And most members of the media already hated him from before so they're loving this opportunity to tear him to shreds.
Frank: That's true.
Me: Yeah, but it don't change the fact that I don't care about his pain or his plight.
Frank: ‘Cause you're white?
Me: ‘Cause I'm poor. It's hard to feel bad for a multi-millionaire.
Frank: Yeah? I can see that. You're alright, Nate. A lil fucked up. But alright.
Me: Thanks.
Lisa: So like, if he hits this homerun, that'll be the most that anyone's ever hit?
Me: In the Major Leagues, anyway.
Lisa: Wait. There are other leagues?
Me: There it is man. Number seven fifty six.
Jason: I hope Hank Aaron sends him a big box of shit.
Me: You realize that was the first thing I heard when the record was broken? I'll have to remember that line forever.
Jason: Not if you keep drinking.
Bay: Well, I guess it was inevitable but still, I wish that cheater hadn't broken the record.
Me: For millions of dollars, almost anyone would cheat. At that level, cheating is a part of the game.
Bay: That don't make it right.
Me: Well man, ain't none of us right.
Bay: That's not true. I got a cousin in Dade City, she's right.
Me: I'll have to take your word for that, Bay.
Jason: I hate that fucking Bonds.
Me: What's the big deal? I mean, I don't like the guy either. But why all the animosity? What'd he do to you?
Jason: He pissed off my dad.
Me: How'd he do that?
Jason: Dad's a Braves fan. And he was there when Hank broke the record. And now he's all depressed.
Me: Get him a shrink. It's just a number.
Jason: No, Nate. Age is just a number. The career homerun record is a milestone.
Me: Your mom's a milestone.
Jason: Do you realize how weak and unoriginal that joke was?
Me: Yup.
Jason: Just checking.
Labels: snippets