First Lecture

Day one of specialized courses on human awkwardness and uncomfortable situations. Created by Brad Stennerson.

A Realistic Introduction to Your New Peloton Stationary Bike

Instructor Kate knows you won’t make it past two months on this bike, but she also knows you need her positive energy to have any chance at all.

Think something along the lines of “My oven is on!” or “I have a deadline to meet!” hold up your index finger in the air, and abruptly turn around.

Umbrella guy controls his own narrative. Whatever secrets lie in wait within his collapsible shield, he’s not telling. His mystique is undeniable.

Your dating game plan is dogshit. I haven’t seen an operation this shit-tier since my first job at Southwestern Louisiana A&M Poly Tech State.

While my playlist has exploded, so too have the expectations of my fans. Artistically, I’m under pressure. Personally—I’m in the danger zone.

No need for crates or kennels. Your wasp will gather creepy residues from the shadows of your home and construct a lair for itself, all on its own.

Your blood boils and your molars grind. Your throat rumbles with a primal growl. Now put those feelings into a five-step plan of action.

Are you sinister enough? Do you relish the insulin whiplash of your grand-twit's metabolism as he devours a Werther’s Originals from your hand?

Step 1: Show your authentic surprise. When you unexpectedly encounter an infantile grotesquerie like that one over there, you will feel shocked.

You too would like to manage the front desk of a dilapidated alcohol peddler who mostly sells Malibu rum to teenagers with fake IDs.

Alternative facts are just as good as regular facts. Better, even, because the only limit is your imagination!

How many of you have dogs who display selective aggression towards people of races other than your own? Everyone again. Frustrating, isn’t it?